Two Minutes Hate

OK, I have to get this out of my system.

There's a guy at my work (nominally a co-worker, but I don't work with him directly). I don't know his actual name (probably Todd - for some reason, I usually wind up not liking guys named Todd). He shall henceforth be known as Miami Vice Reject (MVR for short). The dude always wears button-up shirts and khakis, and I suppose would be good looking if it weren't for the perm-mullet and the goatie that make him look like he just stepped off the set of Miami Vice. His button-down shirt is usually open one or two buttons to show off the gold chain he's wearing. And some chest hair, as an added bonus.

He also gives off a palpable aura of sleaze. Like you can just see him hanging out in some club, "leaning" some girl and using all the cheesiest, crappiest lines in the book to try to get her for a one-night stand. Or selling you a "like new" Mercedes that really has a salvage title because he wrecked it driving drunk 3 weeks before and got his shady cousin to do some Bondo work on it to make it look ok.

And he always - ALWAYS - has a goddamn bluetooth earpiece for his cellphone on. And 90% of the time, he's talking on it. Apparently, not about work, either - I overheard someone who sits next to him complaining today that he's always talking to bill collectors, the IRS, etc.

(For the record, I am writing this on my lunch break. That's my time.)

So today, MVR strolls into the men's room, talking on his damn bluetooth headset. Dude! Seriously, hang up the motherfucking phone for a couple of minutes. Just because your headset is billed as a "hands-free" doesn't mean you have to use it to talk while urinating. You're in the restroom. Give your phone a rest. The person you're talking to? They really don't want to listen to you piss. And the other gentlemen in the restroom with you? Really don't want to listen to you stupid phone conversation.

And of course he walked out without a) flushing, or b) washing his hands.

I don't even know this guy's name, but I hate him. I want to attach that bluetooth headset to the end of one of his fake Italian loafers, and shove 'em both up his ass.

Man.

- Mattbear out.